The song

What will the song of my life be? I ask, not because I have taken a large amount of peyote and done a maypole dance, but because my words will die with me. I love music and there is nothing better to me than eating tamales at Floore's with my wife and listening to damn good Texas music. There is something about pedal steel that just resonates with me. Its from the soul, be it up or down, its just something that I connect with. I cant play it, hell, I cant play the guitar in my closet, but I want it in my song. I'm at a point in life where my past career won't matter again until my obituary, much like the first kid I struck out in little league(Im looking at you, Robbie Hayes) and my current life is based on how good I am at changing diapers and the fact that all kids are accounted for. This is not a midlife crisis, as I love my wife fiercely and my kids, as crazy as they drive me, are amazing in their own unique ways and I realize how lucky I am to have them. They see the hope in me, they occasionally fall asleep in my arms and they laugh at my jokes. This is another one of the things that I love. I don't socialize much anymore. I have seen two of my friends from Washington state more in the past year than I have seen a friend who lives a couple of miles away in two years. We hunt together and I love that too. I hunt because it helps feed my family and it makes me feel useful. The drunken washer/beanbag tossing is hilarious and the shit talking keeps us all laughing, I wish I could take that with me. I find a certain peace out on ranches that I dont find in the city and I wish I could share it with my family. It may be a possibility one day, but for now, with fucked up credit, even a doublewide on 6.2 acres in D'hanis isnt a possibility.
 So I lose myself in the cigars that will eventually kill me, the laugh of my kids that make me whole, the music that heals my soul and the wife who has loved me for longer than I ever deserved. Maybe I am in the sweet spot of life and i'm too worried about the past or too busy to looking forward to enjoy the now.  I know i'm not the only one who does it, we all do. I just don't know why. I know for a fact that today will suck. Not because of the Presidential primaries that have ripped our country apart with childlike taunts that would have most definitely got your lip split on the playground at River School or Tularcitos, but simply because sometimes life bangs you when you least expect it. I will dust myself off, but as we get older and the stakes get higher, picking yourself up gets harder. Its in my blood to continue to get up until they throw Texas dirt on me, because its what my father did and if I ever learned something from him, is that we don't quit. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
 So where do I go from here? Where do you go? What is my song? Am I doing life right? I can only wake up tomorrow, change the diapers, do the dishes and laundry, smoke that cigar and hear that pedal steel. What are you going to do?